Monday, May 29, 2017

Eleven Years

11 years is a long time to do anything. 11 years has a way of making something ordinary turn into a tradition. 11 years changes a person, a place, and all of the things that make certain things important. In 11 years you get comfortable with how it feels to do the same thing on a certain day with certain people. And then out of nowhere that thing that you have done for longer than just about anything you can remember is snatched away. It wasn't like you didn't see it coming but you kept your blinders on and refused to look behind because if you did you were certain that mere sight of the change would shatter
your already fragile heart. Now you know you can't go back, the past is gone and the future is much too far away for you to clearly make out what it will be. You can only see what is happening right now and even though your heart is aching deep down in your chest you force yourself to face forward and to look only at what is beside you. Beside you, you find only one thing; your box of memories of the last 11 years. In order for you to move forward, for your shattered heart to heal, you must, at least for now, pack away the box. It will be easier to move forward if you don't cling to the box of memories. The box is heavy and will cut into your tender flesh, making the change leave visible scars for the world to see. So you put the box away on a tall shelf and pushed to the back where for now it cannot hurt you. You turn away from the shelf and wipe away the tears you didn't even know you were crying. You close your eyes, allowing yourself only one moment, and take a deep breath. You open your eyes and allow a smile to grace your face as think of all of the wonderful things that are awaiting you in the still too blurry future. You may have a broken heart but you know that it will heal, given time. You know this because it has happened before and it will happen again, whether or not you're prepared matters little. Your face has dried from your earlier tears and your smile has become more real than it was before. You realize that the world around you is continuing and outside your window, the sun is shining. Yes, 11 years is a very long time and it is not easy to embrace the change. But moving on and changing is necessary so you go outside and feel the warmth on your skin and suddenly you realize it is all going to be okay.

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